Conflicting Emotions About a Marriage

I have been shocked beyond belief and am extremely conflicted emotionally, but in the midst of it all, I feel happier than ever before and also rather hollow, as well. This array of emotions is due to the reality that Lizzie is, in fact, going to marry Darcy. Darcy asked for her hand and Lizzie has revealed to me that she has shared Darcy’s affections for a while now and has realized she had been wrong about his character all along; she even told me that it was Darcy that bought Wickham out of his debts and convinced him to marry Lydia, not Mr. Gardener. I shocked by their feelings for each other but happy for Lizzie because she will be happy with Darcy who will treat her right and give her an extremely comfortable and stable life. However, I feel an immense emptiness because I know now Lizzie will not be living at home soon, and I won’t be able to see her every day, like I have been accustomed to for so many long years. I will miss everything about her, and I plan on visiting her at Pemberly very often after she is married.

A Preposterous Letter From Collins

Lizzie has been entirely unlike herself since Lady Catherine’s visit, so I tried to cheer her up with the most hilarious accusations I had received from Mr. Collins. Mr. Collins told me that Mr. Darcy wishes marry my Lizzie, whom he scorned upon their first acquaintance; I’m not saying that either isn’t good enough for the other just that Lizzie would never accept such a proposal even if it were to come along. However, I can’t believe Mr. Collins was trying to convince me not to allow this marriage since his high and mighty, “Benevolent“(according to Collins) Lady Catherine would frown upon such a match. In reality, I could never turn it down if Lizzie truly wanted it, no matter how much it upsets Lady Catherine; actually, I would enjoy viewing the royal snobs discomfort of the entire event should anything happen. I expected Lizzie to find this as comical as I had, but to my astonishment, she seemed put off by my words, as she dismissed herself with a small, fake smile and distanced herself from me after that.

Lady Catherine At Longbourn???

I shall briefly address the fact that Mr. Bingley has proposed to Jane, everyone is excited and Mrs. Bennet is giddy beyond belief, two daughters married and all that. However, my attention lies elsewhere to the fact that Mr. Collins’s highly esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine, rudely arrived unannounced and uninvited at our house (during dinner even) to visit the family, specifically Lizzie. Lizzie and Lady Catherine went outside to converse and walk in the garden;  this my wife was rather put off by because she wanted to listen in on their conversation and it is not as easy to hide from view to eavesdrop in the garden as it is in the house, in fact it’s downright impossible. I, on the other hand, was glad to have at least caught a glimpse of Lady Catherine after her discussion with Lizzie since nothing could have given me more pleasure than the infuriated disbelieving look on her face as she stormed to her car and drove away. It would have made my day had it not been for Lizzie looking extremely distressed, as well. I’m proud of Lizzie for whatever she did say to Lady Catherine, so I’m curious about what passed between them though I fear asking Lizzie would only upset her more.

Bingley is Back

Mr. Bingley resides once again at Netherfield, and my wife begs me to invite him over; however, I keep telling her I refuse to. My reasoning to her is that last time she assured me one of my daughters would be married by the end of the year but that never happened, so I do not wish to waste my time. I must confess that I do this just to instigate her frustration because I truly do intend on asking Mr. Bingley to pay a visit to Longbourn. I thought, for just a second, that my wife would catch on to the fact that I’m messing with her since I did this exact same thing last time Bingley stayed at Netherfield, but I guess she just isn’t smart enough to figure it out. I would also like to add that I doubt whether my not inviting Bingley would have deterred him in the least were he decided to see us. He must have come here for a reason, and, since the only thing that captured his attention during his last stay was Jane, I assume he must be here to patch things up with my daughter. I am very pleased for this occasion, should it occur, because I know it will be a pleasant relief for my family after Lydia’s stressful altercation.

Irritating Lydia and Myself A Hypocrite

If I thought for one second that Lydia was annoying before being married, it compares nothing to her irritating manner now. Lydia is continuously going on and on about marriage when she has barely been married but a few days! It drives me crazy, yet at the same time I find it incredibly amusing. I think the main reason that she enjoys marriage is that, at least for now, she is better than them since she is the first and only to be married. She is totally oblivious to the trouble she caused everyone; it’s almost as if she only sees what she wants to see and I never realized it before. This is not really all that surprising since I tried my best to ignore the members of my family that I found slightly intolerable; I see now that when I call someone else oblivious I’m behaving as a hypocrite. Lydia and Wickham (who resided from the militia) will be leaving after a time to live in the North.

The Young and Foolish

I hate myself for my thoughtless, unconcern for the future when I was young. I should have considered every possibility and not have jumped into marriage with a woman I barely knew but genuinely thought I was in love with; however, I didn’t out of the idiotic,  full proof belief that there would be no doubt of our having a son. I never regretted this before; id o now though. On the other hand, my wife is utterly unconcerned; Mrs. Bennet is foolish and oblivious because she is all worked up with pleasure now that her daughter is to marry. In fact, she goes on and on about how they won’t do the wedding right and where Mr. and Mrs. Wickham will live once they are married. I believe I hate my life at the moment.

It Gets Worse

Upon my return, I found out that Mr. Collins, the self verified suck-up, called me while I was gone. I cannot believe the nerve of this foolish inexperienced young man to leave me such a pompous message defining how relieved he is not to have married my Lizzie and telling me how to handle my family, and for this, I will never talk to him again unless I absolutely have to. To make matters worse, Mr. Gardiner called me a few days after my return home to tell me he has found the two dimmest beings on earth, Lydia and Wickham, hiding out in a motel, and not married (with no original intention to be). I am also filled with the greatest dread to the fact that I fear my brother has paid Mr. Wickham’s debts in order to get him to marry my flaw filled, unaccomplished daughter. I know I will owe Mr. Gardener for the rest of my life.