Its All My Fault

I did not wish to write to my family until I had good news, for I would never want them to worry more than necessarily. In fact, I may also have dragged on my time in London purposely because I wanted to avoid facing my family since this entire situation is my fault. Lizzie and Jane, I am 100% positive, would reject this idea and insist I could not have prevented this occurrence; now that Mr. Gardiner has arrived and I am expected to return home and I am quite fearful of my family’s state. I have realized that most people know what has happened, other than perhaps my wife and Mary, avoid saying outright that Lydia has run off to get married, and they instead say the situation, incident, occurrence, or so on and so forth. I do this as well, and I believe it is out of the hope that not saying it might make it not true which is a ridiculous hope to cling to. I have never claimed to be perfect despite my constant criticism of others.