Monday, March 26, 2012
Unproductive Behavior
By this time, I have left Hertfordshire, Lizzie and the Gardiners are at Longbourn once again, and I am in London where I have nether heard word about or seen a glimpse of Wickham or Lydia. When I left my wife was in a tizzy and useless to assist anyone, Mary was going off about statistics of Lydia’s returning back untainted (or some similar nonsense that is also unhelpful), Kitty was reclusive, and Jane was proving to be the most productive member of the family in our state of crisis. I’m so frustrated that I swear once I get a hold of the pair of them I will wring some sense into Lydia once and for all, and I’ll beat Wickham bloody till he agrees to marry my idiotic, absurd, juvenile daughter. At least this is what I tell myself I’ll do as if that will be a solution to my problems, instead of a deterrent. I truly wish Lizzie were here, for I’m sure she could calm me done sufficiently and talk some sense into me rapidly, but I suppose I will have to settle with my brother-in-law.
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Oh darling, I cannot stand it! Lydia has been so immature once again, and it makes me sad. I cannot bear myself, for I do not know what I will do; however, do not beat Wickham for what he has done. At least one of our daughters is getting married
ReplyDeleteOh father, you are very sensible; however, trying to duel Wickham, is the opposite of sense. You will hurt yourself, and in turn hurt me. I just could not stand if one of the only two intelligent people in our family went and hurt himself. On a side note, I cannot wait to see you when you return from London. I wish you all the best of luck in this unfortunate hunt. Make sure Lydia is happy, though, before you force a marriage down her throat. With her luck, it will turn out like yours.
ReplyDeleteOh father, please keep your head up! I love you very much and we are all very surprised about Lydia's elopement to Wickham!
ReplyDeleteThis all could have been avoided if you would have just been a better father to her. Not letting her go in the first place would have been the first good move, but as I am looking at her life as a whole, it might have just been better if she was never to be born. I know it seems harsh, but think of all the hardship she has put you and your family though. Them tell me that I am absurd in thinking in this way.
ReplyDeleteDear Mr. Bennet,
ReplyDeleteI would like to begin by saying that you should have listened to Lizzy, for she predicted that Lydia would do something to embarrass the family. But it seems you have learned from your mistake. Also let me deal with Wickham, for Wickham would kill you if you two ever got into a fight.
-Darcy
P.S. I think you'll find your daughter well and married in a couple of days.